The Cutie, Lim Johnson i mentioned.....

Photo-ing in computer Lab...

I had brought him to McD Kuala Selangor... ^_^

The last day I'm teaching in SJKC Chung Wah, I had no cance to teach on his class. Because all the student will having a National Day Drawing competiton in the hall after recess time. But it also create a better opportunity for me to interact with all the student. Haha

Johnson had using only one hour to finish his colouring. After that, he just follow me walking here and there to look on other participant. I'm calling him to sit back continue his colouring to make it better. But he refuse as he said that he done. Seems like something he wants to share with me but just can't to said it out.

To prevent others teachers say something on this, i just walk around the area where Johnson sit to enable him to talk to me. Haha

After they finish the contest, its already last period, at take time, I have to take on other class, however, i had prepare a souvenir for Johnson before i leave him. It was the photo for both of us. I had wrote something behind and want him to see it when home later. I accompany him to class and keep it inside his bag. He also promise that he won't open it untill he home later.

After that, I'm saying:"Bye Johnson, I have go already" Johnson quickly hold on my finger and said : "where u going? there no class already right?". I told him I have to entered another class which i handle untill the end of school time.

Eventhough Johnson had no saying he reluctant to see me leave, but i know that especially during the last conversation, he thought that i will stay down and chatting with him untill the end of school time. Unfortunately i have to go for another class. At that moment, I reluctant to leave you too, a bit of sour bitter as well for me....HAHAHA

I miss you too Johnson. I miss the moment you always holding my hand jump here and there, drag me to see something new, always requesting the sweets from me, I reluctant to go too. Hahaha

Remember to call me when you are free, since you are too young, I cannot always hang out with you because your parent will worry since they do not know me. I will visit when I'm free, hoping that your parent will not blame me.. Haha

I just treat you like my little brother, the cutiest... Keep in contact!!!

Warmest Hug... 散场的拥抱

Today, a day that fullfilled and warmest in my teaching life. I had ended my dream when i was young today. In the days of dealing job, I had recognise many students, they will become my friends after i'm out from there, because i would not like someone call me teacher, Its old. Hahaha

The last class I entered today is 2K from SJKC Chung Wah. A boy student name 张志豪 had make me touch, and now i'm more believe that children are the most sincerelity when they facing their desire. During the last few minute, all the students were in Q, and i surprisingly some students are happy run out and hug my leg.

After they return to the Q, i saw the boy i mentioned just now had some shining tears and red frame in his eye, at that moment, I'm happy that got student reluctant to leave me. I just going to his front and gave him a hug! Its awesome, Its an involuntary action! The warmest hug had told most of the thing that we have to say, just keep feeling on listening and contacting with the small body. I like tis feel MUCH!

Thus i gave some other students as well a warmest hug before they leaving, I think this is the best things to present both of us. A valuable but unexplainable experience. I'll remember u, 张志豪。。The 散场的拥抱 i had was not with lover but with

Nice Mood!!!

Again once i thought about my blog. It has been time i didn't update for it. Dun know untill when i will starting stop writing again. Hahahahaha

For the past few years, it was the turning point in my life, especially in growing mentality, I do learn a lot just after 18 years old. It's amazing!

In this long semester break, i had go for a job, an mighty and desire job. I became a computer teacher in primary school. Now already the last week i will teach. After that I'm going to say goodbye to them.

I'm starting to reluctant to leave them. Haha

At SJKC Chung Wah, one of the school that i teach, i was attracted to a kid from standard 1. I dun know why i was so like him, and thus i love him the most.

I gave others 1 sweet but he get 2. Hahaha.. (whispering:Not fair!) But i did that though..hahaha

Dun know why i like him so much, hoping that he will remember me even i'm gone, hoping that he will miss me, and hoping that could have a good relationship with him even i'm not teacher anymore. Haha. Hoping that he will call me uncle or brother when he found me outside. haha

My selfishness towards him had brought me to have more relationship to him. The involunteery action told me to treat him very nice. I had brought to McDonald Kuala Selangor after seek his mum permission. Hou Choi, his mom allow..Hahaha

Cutie... dun forget me when you grow up, u are good and obeys teacher rule. I like you much. Hope u too.

Actually u r tougher than anyone in the family

Now i realize that many thing not as true as I was thinking.
I also thinking that u are weak, so weak, and sometimes really feel upset to u.
By the way, i'm wrong. I was easily quoted since i not involve in the situation.
Now i feel guilty, as comparison, I worst than u, not even your little commitment.
U are so brave , so tough, so bravo.
U can accept the unwillingness without grumbling, u can bear with the unfairness without giving up.
Compare to me, i do nothing, i know only grumbling and feel scare to face it.
There were worst than feel scare, is no dare.
* the pressure bearing, u are not lesser than me.
* the pain bearing, u are not comfortable than me,
* the relationship conducting, I'm got more choice than u
* the responsibility to carried in the future, I am much lighter than u
* the interesting in the field conducting, It's more favorable for me
* the illness u having, I'm healthy at all
* the commitment on the study task, I'm far away from u.
Then how come i still felt not enough from u, by pointing the finger to others but not look at my own. How stupid it was....
I'm felt kinda guilty,
I'm felt really sorry,
Actually i'm the most useless and invaluable,
Somehow, i always feel arrogant with my little achievement,
I was a shit...
I really admired to u.

I dreamed.....

Today morning, I dreamed.
I dreamed someone who missing always, is it a sign or manifest of something that will happen?
" It's was an evening, she want to go Thailand but with unknown purpose, maybe for travelling or anything....
By the way, she need to buy bus ticket early, hence she need the go to Thailand terminal to book for it.
Coincidental, my cousin want to go Thailand, hence she would like to take a ride on cousin's car to get to the destination.
She was waiting for the arrival of cousin at bus stop with elder sister. I was worried it is ok to left her there for waiting, actually she fined, nothing illness and unconfortable.
I was just worrying and insist to wait with her.
Night becoming late, the cousin who allways not on time done his responsibility to not on time,
we was tiring waiting and suddenly its raining,
within the small bus stop, i quickly seize her to come in, prevent from getting wet.
In my feeling, I was mostly worried at all, will she accidently knocked down by others? Will she get into trouble if she go alone? Will she face difficulty when finding the bus ticket at Thailand terminal? Will she feel suffer after long walking? Will she tired?
Finally, cousin come with motorcycle, their face seem to be so enjoying, even though there are not enough seat to take on ride, they was enjoying running and follow cousin to car park to take their car...
Funny, haha, seem that she was so happy and can be running, is she really ok? will she get fatigue?
It still raining, dun get cold, inside my heart shoutout...
She was wearing a pink colour big jacket, very sharp and beautiful hairstyle, and very beautiful girl and happy..., and i was happy to see her happy and far from my sight"

haha.. Dream is ridiculous,
That my dreaming, does this indicate something? I could not read through...
Mysterios...

So sorry

I felt a big failure within myself.
I had failed to live with more exciting and energetic life, but the way, i was more tend to reverse.
I can't control myself, very upset and disappointed with the things lately done.
I failed to take care myself in good condition, I was failed in follow her advised.
I had a bad sleeping recently,
even my eyes feel so tired,
my face begin to felt numb,
and whole my body is to ache,
starting from backbone.
I lie on my bed, with my eyes close, hours by hours, i still in alert mode.
I'm so upset with my performance, feeling very down with this result,
starting to scared the effect if this situation continue, fear and frightened.
Not because of low visible night, but fear that can't enjoy the night.
Mind unstopped thinking on the dearest parent, how sad are they if they know i suffer from this.
Nervours tears nearly wetting my pillow, feeling how pity am i and those who always caring on me.
Great failure in managing myself made me felt more tension.
Mind, can u keep me on normal, i dun this to appear on me.
Really i scare that i will follow the path, in case not to reach parent who know the path, it is much important to keep secret and settle myself.
But who can i get helping hands?
Who can be my benefactor which want to give me an helping hand?
So happy that get feedback from concerning, but tension in carried is much greater,
who want step beside me and give me a push?
Or is me too sensitive, and hence a lot of unwanted tension developed,
There are something more terrible,
but really i felt someone always there for me, a good listener, have no weird to soliloquize.
I must settle down all this, give me a break please, how was the break is?
Some say it not good to say, should not be say, just would like to be decadent....
I'm sorry,
believe i will be good not follow you,
I was not happy at all that you be the example with great sacrifice,
I must be not let u on heart,
I thought i'll be better,
I'll try to get back again
I'm sorry i fail...

Memoirs of A Glory (VIII) -- She's gone (2) ,,,,,

Mom is going around in the house and keep the stuff of sister. Packaging and moving, there is no word upon my mouth, wat i can do is only keep my mouth shut. I scare i will did anything wrongly that boost the unbalance surrounding. Finally, Mom was crying loudly inside the room, eventhough she is in the room, the sound of crying can be heard clearly from the room.
I feel like want to hit myself on the wall to spell the feeling of unsatisfactory inside my heart.
The next day morning, we go to hospital to redeem sister's remain, i can believe that i saw she was lying inside that.
At that time, i really have to face that the fairy had leave the body, forever. It is no chance for us to meet this fairy again whenever, however and whatever in no way.
As a respect to the sister, i was the one who can bring my sister for funeral.
And i was the person to send the death body for cremate.
When knee down beside the casket, I had tonnes of tears that flow along my face, the music of funeral is started, and it the time for me to press the button to move the casket into the cremation room.
It is very cruel for me to do that, and i was very reluctant to press the button, i can't stop myself from crying and the movement of body is waving, seem the casket slowly far from our sight, the casket was sent into cremate. It was the last time that we have, after that, this appeareance will not be seem anymore in this earth.
The fairy is gone....
With no bringing, with no presage, I'm very sad...
My eye is pain, it swell for few days...
Who will care about this, except for the family,
This only a normal thing for others, only an event that will meet in their life,
Nothing pain for them who do not feel the torn.
I have the new vision,
I have the new blood,
even i dun know whether is she okay?
I hope that this fairy happy somewhere else....
I love u and miss u much forever...
Goodbye my sister...